so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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