i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
