I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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