you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
