I will die if light touches me.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
