just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
