Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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