I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
