I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
