i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
