? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
