after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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