last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
