taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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