I am in a vortex of obligation.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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