I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Randomize
