You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
