that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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