She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
