that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
