we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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