God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
