The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
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