i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
