p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
