I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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