we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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