I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
