Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Church boner. Awkwardddd
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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