Sry I called you an 8
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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