there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
