I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
