im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Randomize
