I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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