HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
