So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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