best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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