I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
