Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
