Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
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