So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
