god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
