I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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