You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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