Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
