i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
