you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I need a beard to bite.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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