I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
