The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Randomize
