you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
