i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Randomize
